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Warning you about crappy movies since 2008.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Two Lovers

The drama opens with what can't even be described as a half-hearted suicide attempt. We'll call it a quarter-hearted one. After Leonard (Joaquin Phoenix) is "rescued," he schleps home in his soaking wet clothes. His parents aren't surprised; Leonard has tried this before. They just tell him to get ready for the dinner guests they're expecting any minute. Ho hum, just another day in this crazy household.

But Leonard isn't even the craziest character in this flick. That honor goes to Michelle, (Gwyneth Paltrow), who is a stunning, yet drug-addled, woman engaged in an affair with her married boss. Leonard falls instantly for her. Beauty can mask a multitude of red flags, I suppose.

But, there's an equally beautiful young woman -- Sandra (Vinessa Shaw) -- who's got a thing for Leonard. Inexplicably. He can't shake her, no matter how many times he forgets to call or stands her up. And, his parents are determined that she's the one for him ... I'd want him out of my house, too.

So, once the threesome involved in this love triangle is introduced, nothing much happens over the course of the next nearly two hours. Leonard pursues Michelle, although she's involved with a married man. Sandra pursues Leonard, although he's an absentee boyfriend, at best.

None of it makes sense. There's not enough of a back story given to make us understand the characters' motivations. Sandra tells Leonard at one point that she wants to take care of him. So, she's the nurturing type. Surely, she could find a worthier man to nurture. Skip it.

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