Hating Julia

There's a new Julia Roberts clunker being hyped now, and the barrage of TV commercials and movie previews about it has reminded me how much I hate her. And, I really hate her.

I hate that she is the highest-paid actress in the world, especially since her acting skills are nearly non-existent. I ain't sayin' she ain't purty. But, purty qualifies her to be a model -- not an actress. And, certainly not one who commands $20 million per film.

I hate her ego -- so outsized in proportion to her talent. Remember when she won a best actress Oscar for Erin Brockovich (a movie I am proud to say I have never seen)? She demanded more air time than was allotted. And, when the esteemed Oscar conductor (and Oscar-winning composer) Bill Conti lifted his baton to cue the orchestra, she shushed him by saying, "Hey mister, don't be so quick with that stick. I may never be up here again."

Well, we can hope.

I hate that she demands the spotlight, even when it's not her turn. For example, she presented Denzel Washington's best actor Oscar to him. When she opened the envelope -- before announcing who the Oscar would go to -- she squealed, "Ooooo, I love my life!" I'm like, "Julia, just announce the winner, hug him, hand him his statue and step aside."

I hate that her bratty niece (I don't know that she's a brat; I'm just assuming) is following in Aunt Julia's famous-despite-no-talent footsteps. And, I will hate it when Phinnaeus, Hazel and her third kid -- who has a normal name -- follow their mom into the biz.

I hate Pretty Woman. I hate that she starred in it, thus ensuring that she'll forever be referred to as "Pretty Woman Julia Roberts" by the fawning entertainment press.

I suspect she broke Lyle Lovett's heart, and I hate her for that, too. While others were wondering why she would marry him, I was wondering how he could stoop to marry her.

So, the new movie looks to be a spy caper/romantic dramedy along the lines of Mr. & Mrs. Smith. I like co-star Clive Owen, but not enough to sit through a movie in which Julia Roberts gets so much screen time. I began boycotting her movies about a decade ago (I know, I know -- my staying away isn't going to hurt her, but still.) Rarely have I ventured to any Julia Roberts movie since then. I only go after being assured that her screen time is minimal. Yet, even then, I'm disappointed. Everything she's in is bad. Charlie Wilson's War, for instance. Just a stinker, despite Philip Seymour Hoffman's delightful performance.

So, when the new movie -- I haven't paid enough attention to even know the name of it -- opens, I'll be saving myself the $10. I wish the masses would join me.