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Warning you about crappy movies since 2008.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

The American

Think you can't get enough of George Clooney? I challenge you to sit through The American, a new movie that bills itself as a thriller and stars George and no one you've ever heard of, and see if you get your fill.

I agree with the rest of the population in thinking George is a perfect specimen of extreme good looks, charisma, humor and talent with a giant dose of humanitarianism tossed in. But, let me tell you: There is a chink in his armor, and it's called The American.

With its beautiful, but dangerous, women; varied European locales; secret agent-y, "Who can you trust?" aura; and copious amounts of gunfire, it could, at first blush, remind you of a James Bond movie. Except, there is a total lack of snappy dialogue. In fact, there's almost no dialogue at all. And, the European locales are all washed-out. The landscape matches the storyline and the acting. It's all ho-hum.

See George do push-ups and pull-ups. See George fashion a new weapon out of spare parts. See George have clandestine meetings in bland coffee shops. See George stare off into the middle-distance.

We never learn anything about George's background. Hell, we don't even know if his character's name is Jack or Edward. (He's known by both.) Who's he working for? Who's he out to get, and why? What's his mission? If you're looking for answers, you won't find them here.

Killing-for-hire, prostitution and Italy and Denmark have never looked duller.

George Clooney has joked in past interviews about his work in the sitcom Facts of Life. I think he'll one day joke about this lame effort, too. Skip it.

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