It's the most bestest day of the whole year. Each year on the Friday before the Oscars, I begin to get a little jittery and a lot excited. As if I myself am up for best actress -- or best screenplay, as is my real dream. I think about hosting an Oscar party, but then I think how rude it would be for me to shush my guests as I try to listen to all the speeches. Uninterrupted. I'm Serious about the Oscars.
Oh, I've had my Oscar moments. At one particularly fun party (the hostess wove film into her fancy floral arrangements and had each of the guests place bets on their picks), I bet my entire pile of Monopoly money that Hilary Swank would forget to thank her two-bit, made-for-TV movie husband, Chad Lowe. Even back in the day of Boys Don't Cry, I knew Hilary was destined to outgrow Rob's less-famous, less-talented younger brother.
Sure enough. She thanked her agent, the director, her mom (for living out of a car while toting Hilary to Hollywood auditions), the craft service staff, her makeup artist, literally everyone associated with the film. Everyone at the party began handing me their wads of play money, when Hilary said, "WAIT! I almost forgot to thank ..." People retracted their money, as we all awaited Hilary's teary tribute to Chad. But, she said, " ... Brandon Teena, the real-life character I played in the movie."
My BFF, Todd, hooted, "Oh my God, she thanked a DEAD PERSON! She left her husband out and thanked a dead person!" The money and the glory were mine.
I live for Oscar moments like this.
And I fear Oscar moments like this: Helen Hunt's win for As Good as it Gets. What a dreadful movie and what a lame, ought-to-be-limited-to-Lifetime-movies actress she is. Her performance, where she used a bad Brooklyn accent in exactly three scenes, was atrocious. I'm still mad, just thinking about her inexplicable win.
Let's hope there's no mistake of Helen Hunt proportions tonight. And, let's hope there's a brief, shining moment where someone forgets to thank his/her spouse and I get to collect a bunch of money because of it.
If you decided to read my blog today, I imagine it's because you're wondering what my picks are. So, here they are, for the biggies:
If I had my way: The Visitor (Alas, it will not win, since it is not nominated. My second choice is Milk.)
Prediction: Slumdog Millionaire
If I had my way: Sean Penn (Milk)
Prediction: Sean Penn
If I had my way: Melissa Leo (Frozen River)
Prediction: Kate Winslet (The Reader)
Best Supporting Actor
If I had my way: Robert Downey, Jr. (Tropic Thunder)
Prediction: Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight)
Best Supporting Actress
If I had my way: Marisa Tomei (The Wrestler)
Prediction: Viola Davis (Doubt)
If I had my way: Gus Van Sant (Milk)
Prediction: Danny Boyle (Slumdog)
Enjoy the show!